Navigating pregnancy in stressful times
Words: Sarah Tarca // @tarca
Image: Alexander Krivitskiy // Unsplash
I don’t know who needs to read this article right now, but as mothers, both Emma and I felt like this was such an important story to be out in the world right now. Pregnancy is a nine-month rollercoaster of emotions as it is: the elation, the worry, the excitement, the self-protectiveness, the joy, the anxiety, the tears – and that’s just in one day. But throwing a pandemic into the mix, the feelings are almost unfathomable.
I personally have many friends in different stages of pregnancy right now. Friends who have just discovered their long-awaited baby is finally here… only to have that news overshadowed by this collective gloom. Friends days away from giving birth to their babies, unsure if the rules will change and they’ll have to birth alone. Friends cruising through their second trimester who are grateful for the downtime, and adjusting to having doctors appointments alone. Friends who have just given birth, who’s parents can’t visit and hold their grandkids.
It’s a strange time, full of big feelings. We wanted to help, so we turned to the best: Nadine Richardson. Nadine has been a childbirth educator, doula and prenatal yoga specialist for over 20 years – and she’s also a mother. She is the director of The Birthing Institute and creator of the She Births®, the world’s only scientifically verified childbirth education program – the same online birthing course I personally used that helped me have my dream, positive birthing experience (and ps: you can even score a 10% discount using Wayward10). In this interview, Nadine talks us through how to deal with the cyclone of feelings you’re having right now, and shares her advice on how to remain as calm as possible.
This article is for all of those friends who are entering motherhood right now, for all of you mamas and mamas-to-be, and whoever else in your world who may need to hear this right now.
Right now is obviously a very scary time for women to be pregnant. What sort of feelings have your community been sharing with you?
Women and their partners are deeply afraid right now – and it’s totally understandable. Women are finding it hard to cope with all the changes and restrictions being placed upon them, their family and their births. All these changes and uncertainty about more potential changes creates high levels of anxiety. This in turns puts a lot of pressure on partners to be a key support person both now and for the majority of the labour, which is not an easy task.
“Your baby chose to
be here now.
They chose you.
They chose this time
on the planet”
How are you helping Mums-to-be through this time?
Changing and modifying the ideal birth vision right now is essential but at the same time the most natural, gentle and joyous birth is the goal for many. This probably should be the goal for all mums right now because less staff would be required, less time would be spent in hospital, less immune compromising occurs for both mum and baby due to antibiotics and/or c-section.
Our mums have a very high degree of agency because they are so well educated and empowered. They know it is still possible to create a beautiful birth if we put in some hard work beforehand. But the inner commitment to make any birth beautiful, no matter what unfolds, is always the most important principle.
These are challenging times no doubt, but I really believe that you can do it! In a funny way your baby chose to be here now. They chose you. They chose this time on the planet. Just remember that you were designed for birth and you partner is there to support you. Together you can do it. Believe in yourselves and trust birth completely. Let Nature take care of it, like she always does.
Image: Janko Ferlic // Unsplash
What is your advice to expectant mothers at this time, In each stage of pregnancy?
Those who have just found out they are pregnant:
Start to cultivate a sense of calm and positivity. We have created a bunch of resources that we think can help. We have a Free Pregnancy Support Guide (that you can access via desktop or the free app) which will help you begin to feel calmer, more connected with your partner and baby and truly inspired by the many positive birth stories. You could also subscribe to our podcast , or if you feel like you need to be surrounded by positive stories, read the birth stories section on our blog.
It is essential to protect yourself from negative birth stories because the human brain receives and encodes negativity five times faster than it does positivity. But we are also 36 times more likely to remember information when it is told to us in a story. These podcasts and stories you read are wiring your brain …. and have been for years unfortunately. Now is the time to forget the negative and start a new positive birth narrative. To dream up what is possible.
Those midway through the journey:
Jump into your childbirth education now. Later is not better! Earlier education will give you time to get your head and heart ready for the changes that are both happening and coming. It will give you and your partner ideas and questions to discuss with your caregiver. It will guide you towards the books that are best for you, not just for those that your colleague thinks you should read.
On top of keeping up with sunlight, exercise, great nutrition and blood tests to monitor your iron etc, start to build up a daily yoga and visualisation practice. Get the body and mind in balance and talking to one another.
Those about to give birth:
Really get your partner on board – big time! I am of course biassed but I can only say - do She Births® if you haven’t already! Contrary to the name She Births® is for men too – and they are actually our biggest fans [editor’s note: this is true, I talk here about how the course strengthened my relationship and my partner Phil is a total convert]. Mums generally have to tell them to be quiet when they go to dinner parties and talk about the amazing birth program they did!
I believe we do our partners a huge disservice by not including them in our birth preparation as much as we can. This is a big transformation for them too. Just because they can’t feel the baby and hormonal changes does not mean they don’t need support, information and guidance at this time. They want to help, they just don’t know how yet.
“Studies show that the human nervous system requires at least 20 minutes a day of being in a parasympathetic nervous system response…”
Is there something you recommend expectant mothers do daily to keep themselves (and their babies!) calm?
Studies show that the human nervous system requires at least 20 minutes a day of being in a parasympathetic nervous system response. We suggest our mums practice one visualisation per day – two if they can fit it in during their third trimester. Of course our babies get the benefits of these times too with reduced cortisol and adrenaline, increased oxygen and endorphins in their systems.
A parasympathetic response can be found in many ways. Having a bath, singing and playing the guitar, doing some gardening, walking in nature, even cooking! Whatever brings you a sense of joy and rejuvenation will be key to you feeling calm and also having a more positive state of mind.
You’re also a yoga instructior... do you have any online pre-natal yoga resources that you recommend for mothers during this time?
Please keep up your prenatal yoga mums! It is such a powerful evidence-based way to discover natural comfort measures as well as keep your baby in an optimal position for birth. I’m actually offering free prenatal classes on Tuesday nights with Q&A sessions afterwards to anyone who would like to join. You can find out more here.
What can partners do to support expectant mothers through this time?
Find a place together that you can both speak about and share your fears. Fears are there to be spoken of and released, but also they are there to guide us in right direction for a better birth.
By starting a dialogue with your partner, you will be more than half the way there. Sharing the journey together in a constructive way through active listening and proactive planning together will help you both.
On a more practical note – give massages ;) Learn how to do the Happy Paws, the Caterpillar and the Bi-lateral hip squeeze to mum and she will be a much happier lady.