No, you're not too sensitive. You're an empath
Words: Carly Stephan // @carlystephan
Image: Bibarys Ibatolla // Unsplash
Have you ever been told you’re “too emotional” or “too sensitive”? Or perhaps you’re just acutely attuned to the feelings of others and feel everything deeply. It’s not something to be embarrassed or ashamed of… you’re most likely an empath (if you’re unsure head here to take the Empath Test ). And, with a little understanding that can be an amazing, powerful gift. Here, mentor and coach Carly Stephan recounts the evening she realised she was an empath, and how she’s learned to harness her gifts.
A few years ago, I had an experience that filled me with an all-encompassing fear that wasn’t mine. It was the night of a new moon, and while driving to the cabin I was staying at I couldn’t resist staring at the epic starscape through the windshield. I pulled over to fully immerse myself in the glorious expanse of the velvety night sky. The air was crisp and the beautiful Aussie bush was making its night-time noises. It was breathtakingly epic. I was in my element.
But as soon as I stepped out of the car my body was consumed with what I can only describe as full-blown existential fear. I tried to ignore it at first, but after a while I felt my chest tighten. My stomach dropped. My breaths began getting shorter.
My feeling of fear made no logical sense at all. I was in a beautiful part of the Australian bush, looking up at a stunning starry night sky. But after a while I couldn’t take it any longer and I started to think, “What if there IS something threatening I’m picking up on and I really need to get my ass out of here?” So I got back into the car and I locked the doors, and sped off out of there.
Regaling this story to a couple highly intuitive friends in following few days, both of them (separately), said it was the land that was the problem. That I both picking up on a trauma connected to the land, which is where this feeling of fear emanated from. This is just one of the things that is common when you’re an empath.
what is an empath?
We usually develop our empathic abilities at a young age, when we feel like we’re not being given the full picture about something, we fear for our own safety, or suspect that the whole truth isn’t being spoken.
Having empathic abilities means you can cast your energetic field (an invisible but very important part of your body) very wide, and “scan” your surroundings (as you get more adept you can also scan and feel places and people very far away from you too) to detect any threats and get an energetic “reading” of the room and its relative safety for you.
So, I’m an empath. What now?
Have you ever walked into a house and immediately got the shivers? OR you walk into a room and can feel the tension? That’s your empathic gifts at play. A super power you’ve developed to be able to read beyond what your five senses are being shown.
Problems emerge for empaths when they don’t realise they actually have this ability, and instead just assume that everything they feel is absolutely their emotion to feel - so they get swept up in the ups, downs and spirals of everyone and everything around them.
When we don’t know we have this ability, our default is to “match” ourselves with the energy around us, to fit in and not be exposed to any threats. But this leaves us vulnerable to a very topsy-turvy emotional life. Instead of standing in our own spiritual and energetic power, we put ourselves at the mercy of every random emotion thrown our way.
HOW CAN I WORK WITH MY EMPATHIC GIFTS?
Being an empath is a gift. Truly. As long as you can manage and utilise your abilities effectively - without it becoming personally debilitating.
As an empath, your insights and intuition are especially sensitive and powerful - you can use this extra-sensory ability in your career and workplace to highlight unseen tensions or solutions, at home to effectively tune into your children and spouse and clear out anything that needs to be, and to pick-up on unseen aspects of any situation. The more you practice using your abilities, the more powerful they become.
To begin, you have to learn how to manage your abilities, so I’ve collated a list of tips especially for you, to help you deal with the times you feel overwhelmed by feelings, and are not 100 per cent sure they’re yours:
“Being an empath is a gift. Truly. As long as you can manage and utilise your abilities effectively - without it becoming personally debilitating. “
being an empath: a user’s guide
FOLLOW ITS TAIL
With this method I like to envision grabbing hold of “the tail” of the feeling, and following it up to its head. For me this is the thought, reason, or circumstance that may be causing this feeling within me. So taking the above example, I could grab a hold of the fear by its tail, and follow it – which I did – but I never found its head (circumstance / reason) residing within me. It was external to me. There was nothing to identify with. However, say if I regularly feel anxious about getting outside of my car at night; feeling fear and following its tail would lead me to my long-standing anxiety, and I would know that fear is mine. And I would likely not step outside the car, in respect of this boundary I know I have.
2. ASK: IS THIS FEAR MINE?
If you know the fear (or feeling) is not yours, declare it. Affirm to yourself that it isn’t, and anchor yourself in the truth of how you actually feel. This feels like ‘feeling into’ t he power centre within your body, which for me is around the womb/sacral chakra area. Maybe for you it’s your heart area, or the base of your spine. I actively draw my energy in and feel it ‘land’ back there. A few deep breaths in to your power centre area also helps. Once you are clear this is not your feeling, and affirm it as such – you should begin to feel its clasp around you diminish and feel far less intense.
If the feeling doesn’t leave you, then it is likely something meant for you to own and integrate into your being. That means it’s coming forward to be released within you (this is GOOD!). Face this feeling and ask it what it’s trying to tell you. Journal with it, dialogue with it. Enlist a spiritual mentor or guide to help you see what’s trying to come forth to be released. It may be a shadow aspect of you that needs to be integrated.
3. STRENGTHEN THE SOLAR PLEXUS
When you find yourself regularly overwhelmed by the energy of others, it’s highly likely that your solar plexus chakra needs some strengthening. This is your third chakra / energy centre and is situated around the stomach area. It’s yellow, so envisioning and very importantly feeling this area within your body helps to make it spin and bring in more light. Envisioning it surrounded by the colour yellow also helps to cleanse and strengthen it. Eat yellow food (lemons, anyone?), wear yellow clothes. Doing things that help solidify your confidence and standing up for yourself and your personal power and sovereignty, also helps.
As empaths we need to watch our energetic vibrations really closely, as we will very easily draw in a match to the energetic vibration within us. My favourite way to support my energy is through energetic bodywork such as kinesiolgy, reiki, kahuna / lomi lomi massage, and chakra cleanse meditations.
4. SET UP SOME HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
As empaths we’re used to running our energy beyond our own immediate energy fields (i.e. far beyond our body). We ‘feel’ in to other people’s energy systems, and in to the energy of animals, houses and land (anything really).
Basically, we can often do this without realising. This can cause energy leaks – and diminishes our capacity to hold our own energy field in integrity.
Now that you know you have the tendency to do this, it’s time to recognise when you feel your energy running away, and reel it back in. Call the parts of you that are wandering around the joint, back to you. You can do this very simply by commanding it. Become very present and say, ‘I command all of my energy to come entirely back to me, now.’ or something to that effect.
This isn’t about protection so much as learning how to regulate your own tendency to let your energy leak. I don’t advocate trying to ‘protect’ our energy fields, because energetically when we intend to protect ourselves from something, we automatically create something we need to be protected from. Learning to cultivate healthy energetic boundaries strengthens your energy field, and juices you up so much, that you don’t actually need ‘protection’. When you have strong and healthy energy running through you, you can go into a situation and set the tone of the energy in the space, rather than being thrown about by everyone elses.
5. prioritise ALONE TIME
People who identify as empath need regular alone time. It can become highly confusing for an empath to know who they really are and what their own energy signature feels like, when they’re constantly surrounded by the energy signatures of other beings. Set an intention to learn at a really deep level who you are, so you can differentiate what belongs to you and what doesn’t.
So, if you identify as an empath, you need to carve out regular alone time, stat. Create a space within your home that is just for you, that you can retreat to whenever you need. Cultivate a portion of your day to sit in quiet meditation or contemplation.
Being an empath is a gift. But it can also be confusing, and cause us to take on things that simply aren’t ours to take on. Taking steps to recognise when a feeling is or isn’t ours is one of the most useful things we can do in the name of empath self-care. Because we (and the world at large) can truly benefit from this extra-sensory gift tremendously – if we know how to handle and work with it effectively.