This new book series helps kids deal with grief and loss
Words: Sarah Tarca // @tarca
My Big Moments book series
My little sister, Lilly, was just three when her dad died. Right on the verge of when memories form, but still at the age that when you later recall, you’re not sure if you just saw it on TV one time, or maybe the whole thing was just a dream. Three.
At the time, I was too deep in my own grief to really comprehend what that meant for her, but at the same time knowing she would never know the man that we all loved so much compounded the pain, the cruelty and the outright unfairness of what had happened.
Now, 15 years later, and with Lilly an incredible, grounded, beautiful 18 (!!) year old, I often reflect back on that time, and think about how hard and confusing it must’ve been for her to have everyone she knew in her life in a state of devastation and grief. To have been surrounded by such sadness at such a young age, and for that heaviness to be her normal. I’d often wished there’d been some way to articulate it to her in a language she understood… something wasn’t a crappy pamphlet they gave you at the hopsice. Something just for her.
This is the same thought that passed Hannah Davison’s mind, after her family were affected by the 2016 Kaikōura earthquake in New Zealand. The 7.8 magnitude quake was centred 10 km from her house, and along with her husband and two small children, they were forced to flee in the middle of the night. “Our son was nearly four years old at the time and was traumatised from that night onwards. While we were trying to find a safe way out, he was taking in every single detail of what was happening. He turned completely white, started shaking and vomited from the shock,” she says. “During the next six months, we worked closely with him as he tried to make sense of what had happened. That was a huge experience to go through for anyone, but even more so for a little person.”
Prior to this, Hannah and her friend Flicka had floated the idea of creating kids books that empowered children and helped them develop resilience through challenging times (or… “Big Moments”). But the earthquake was really the catalyst, as it showed just how much this kind of thing was needed. “After our experience with the quake, I realised just how vital it was to see this idea come to fruition. We can't protect our children from the realities of living in this world. But, we can instil in them a sense of resilience, give them tools to navigate the challenges they meet and teach them how to be wholehearted human beings,” says Hannah who is Co-Founder and also the author of the series.
“We can instil in them a sense of resilience, give them tools to navigate the challenges they meet and teach them how to be wholehearted human beings”
But navigating these tricky topics was not something Hannah and Flicka took lightly. So they worked with a team of experts in child psychology, play therapy and neuroscience education to help structure the stories so they could best serve those who used them. “During the research phase for each book, we interviewed our consultants to get their expertise on how best to guide little people through these big moments. We want the help we provide to be credible, reliable and give parents and caregivers confidence as they help their children through new experiences.” But here’s the really special part: they’re personalised. So when you order, your child’s name is inserted into the book, as a supporting character, that helps the main character (called Perry) to navigate through the big moment. It’s brilliant.
The first three books in the My Big Moments series
The first three books in the series are Baby On The Way (preparing for a new sibling), The Hospital Trip (preparing for a hospital visit), and Goodbye Comet (dealing with grief and loss) – the book I wish I’d had for Lilly. The thing about death is that it’s awkward even for adults to discuss, especially when they’re processing their own emotions and living through their own grief. Hannah says, “Young children often don't understand the concept and permanence of death. Yet they may still have to experience complex situations and emotions. They need to have words to put around these things to help them communicate and make better sense of what is happening.” As a parent it can be scary to have the conversation too… you don’t want to upset them more, or, frankly to screw it up. But what I personally like about these books is that it’s also like a handbook for the parents, helping to communicate the information in a considered way. Also, in what I think is the most genius move, each of the books includes a page for the grown-ups with ideas and activities to help support our children through these times. Because, let’s be honest, we’re the ones that need the help through these times too.